Being in education and working for a school district means that I do indeed get that coveted break over the summer. As an aside, and as pretty much any teacher will tell you, by the time summer comes around you need that time off; yes, we love our kiddos (the students), but we love our sanity too. Anyway, as I was saying, I do get the summer off and I don't go back to work until next week. Sadly, my mind is taking the impending revival of my work routine as permission to go into overdrive and think about work. Especially at night. When I'm trying to sleep. Sound familiar?
My mom's first question to me would be "what are you worried about?" She's not asking flippantly, she's seriously asking me to consider what my worries are for the coming year since worries tend to be what the women in my family are really, REALLY good at holding on to with a vice-like grip. So I'm going to consider it. What am I worried about?
The first thing is not a worry, more like the feeling of standing at the starting line of a race waiting for the signal to go off so I can start racing down the track. It's more a feeling of expectation or anticipation. I've had some ideas pop into my head over the summer (which I had the foresight to write down so I don't forget) and I'm anxious to put them into play. There's new displays I want to try and new library activities I want to have. There's more titles I want to add to my purchase list. There's school-wide book talks that I want to implement. There's materials for the teachers that I need to hand out. There's a new library schedule to put together. I'm already mentally starting my beginning-of-the-year to-do list, despite my best intentions and despite my firm conviction to stop dwelling and thinking until I actually go back to work and can put thought into action. It's no use. My overactive brain won't listen. Most of my nighttime conversations with myself are littered with "So how about this?" My hope is that getting back in my routine and actually working out some of these ideas will make this overall feeling of sitting-on-the-edge-of-my-seat-ready-to-jump-up go away.
One worry I do actually have is how to incorporate everything I want to do in the library and with the students into this school year. How will I have time for it all? There were some activities I planned last year that I never ended up having time for. Another worry is over my class schedule. I have to change it this year in order to run the library the way it deserves (and to keep my sanity level healthy), but I know any changes are hard for the teachers. Will I be able to schedule all the classes for library time with little to no drama? A third, and this is big, is worry over being able to maintain my workout routine after returning to work. I think I will be exercising in the afternoon (I have too much going on in the mornings), but will I still have enough energy to keep it up? I can't let myself slip. My doctor is pleased with my progress in this area, but as he and I both concede there's still a long ways to go.
And despite this being my third year as librarian at this school, I still have some nervous jitters. No idea why. Do other school librarians and teachers feel this way at the beginning of the year too? I feel like I'm starting work at a new location where I don't know anyone and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Neither is true. I know the staff, and in fact have built a good rapport with a number of them. I know what I'm supposed to do, otherwise how could I be mentally writing my to-do list?
You know what? I'm starting to think that I'm seriously overthinking things.
No comments:
Post a Comment