Problem is, I hate exercise. It's a feeling that I'm sure many of us share, but we're not "allowed" to feel this way. It's socially awkward to be like "no, I hate that shit. I'd rather sit on the couch and do nothing." We're not supposed to project ourselves as craving laziness. Yes, there is a wealth of studies going back decades that show with strong data how much better it is to do exercise than to do nothing. And yet, how I wish I could do nothing. The problem is that I've been doing nothing for so long, that my health has suffered and I really have to exercise now, particularly if I don't want to die before the age of 50 because of poor health (perhaps a slight exaggeration, but yeah). I may hate exercise, but I hate the thought of dying early a lot more. Not dying can be a great motivator for a lot of things. So can being able to walk around and sleep without being in pain all the time.
And I'm not good at exercise. I don't get a "high" from it, I can't always distract myself from the fact that I'm doing it (although I've been getting better the last day or two), and for me there is no "getting in the zone." PE was always my most despised class (anyone else with me there?). Exercise was never something that I craved. My idea of a good time is 1) curling up on the couch or bed with my cat and a good book; 2) playing one of the Lego video games with my husband; or 3) slaying goblins by the dozen in my group's latest Pathfinders session (in which we sit around a table and role-play it out). Needless to say, I've gotten into some very bad habits. When the habits are only a few weeks or months old, they are easier to break. My habits have been decades in the making, so they are exponentially harder. For me, the goal is to not only accomplish exercise--which I am proud to say has been happening regularly since talking with my doctor--but to also change my attitude towards exercise.
How did I get this way? As a kid, I loved riding my bike and took it everywhere my family went camping. I loved climbing the apricot tree in my backyard and even tried to build a tree house in it (which was complete shit, but hey I tried). I would play in the creek not far from my cousins' house, I would swim and swim and swim during the summer as if I was a nymph. I would even go hiking with my brother's cub scout pack even though I was a girl because I wanted to and climbing a mountain felt like fun to my 10-year-old self. I've forgotten the fun I had being outside and being active. I somehow need to rediscover that joy. I need to relearn that exercise can be fun, and right now that's the hard part.
So if I bitch and moan about having to spend more time on the bike (or walk, or go swimming), it means I'm still trying to adjust my attitude. As the adage goes, old habits die hard and this one is dying as easily as killing a dragon with your bare hands.
